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Abandoning Ship

on: 07 January 2011

Have any of you ever seen Starved or even (my personal favorite) Better Off Ted? Overwhelmingly the answer I receive is no, and that’s a shame. Classic examples of major networks abandoning ship before a series ever really got off the ground. In the case of Better Off Ted, ABC didn’t even bother to air the final two episodes. I’m most bothered by the fact that, more often than not, the shows that get prematurely cancelled have the best writing. Why don’t the networks understand that given all the crap they sling at us it might take the more refined segment of the public some time to pan for gold?!?

Shortly before my 16th birthday, following a Calculus lecture on integrals, I discussed a problem with a friend that asked us to determine the time until impact of a projectile based on the rate of change of the object's shadow. For the purposes of this story you can ignore why math frequently sneaks its way into my conversations, but as you might imagine, there was mocking involved. When challenged to deliver a practical application for this calculation, I came up with the following totally plausible scenario: say Freddy Kruger is chasing you and after you manage to duck behind a bush you wonder how much time you have left to live... without Calculus you wouldn't know until it was too late! 

While under deadline to finish painting my office/the bar before the Super Bowl, I took a bit of a stumble. You see, as a short person the standard two-step ladder provides insufficient elevation forcing me to engineer something better, and three milk crates provide ideal altitude. I perfected this structure during last year’s remodel of my bedroom. Step one: stake out a Walgreen’s, Frat House, or grocery store and figure out when their dairy shipments arrive. Then simply stop by the night before and borrow five crates for your project: three for the main structure and two as a step up. I erroneously believed the final step of the setup, tying the crates together for easy transport, was optional, so I skipped it. Then two thirds of my way around the room during a routine dismount the crates separated and I began to fall.

Longest 2 seconds ever! 

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Erin Wilson is the author and publisher of the Sapient Salesman

A "sapient salesman"?

 A sapient salesman is tasked with being a psychologist, technologist, empathist, humorist, conversationalist, and a dozen other “ists” in the course of practicing their salescraft. Most people can’t wear that many hats, and these tidbits are designed to minimize your millinery mandates. Read more

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