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2011

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Sunday, 26 June 2011 21:55

It's All in the Name

Yesterday afternoon Calvin and I bought a new parakeet. He’s white with some splotchy color that makes him look a little dirty, and has a mullet. Naturally we named him “Cracker.” Then last night, with all our windows open, as we each enjoyed a relaxing evening on our coooouch, we began the work of teaching young Cracker his name. So during the height of Shabbos, as all the neighborhood faithful journeyed to the Synagogue at the end of our block, Calvin and I laid completely out of sight calling Cracker by his name. “Cracker... Crac-ker.. Cracker!” we called out at random intervals like some sort of extra on the Chappelle Show, when, after about an hour, Calvin sits up, looks at me and goes: “Shit! I hope they don’t think we’re talking to them!” 

Published in Sapient Salesman
Monday, 20 June 2011 00:33

I got my vents cleaned :-)

First a little back story. Last summer I reached into one of my air return vents (Yes, I do weird things from time to time) and found a clump of plaster the size of a baseball. Upon further investigation many of the air returns were similarly debris ridden, so I went into this knowing full well I could stand the brush cleaning, as I doubted a vacuum alone would yield the power necessary to move large rocks. On a separate note, working from home has left me with some old-lady habits, like thumbing thru all the junk mailer coupons every week. I’m amused by how the price of the same product fluctuates so wildly from week to week, and find myself eager to see what BS gimmick these companies will try next. About a month ago I noticed a steep downward price trend in duct vacuuming, and when a company hit $25 bucks, I pulled the trigger.

Published in Sapient Salesman
Monday, 13 June 2011 16:21

Well, Obviously!

People who know me know, you can count on one hand the number of things for which I will voluntarily cease slumber before 9am. Shopping tops the list. More specifically warehouse sales; combine spectacular savings and summer mother daughter bonding, and you have yourself a solid reason to get up and go. This year my mom and I expand our H2O+ posse when we called Maggy up from the minor league ranks of Wilton Tent Sale roster. You see, the H2O+ sale is an event. We’ve been going for years, and have braved everything from freezing rain to sunburn and dehydration while waiting for our turn in the warehouse, and the experiences have bred certain wisdom. 

Published in Sapient Salesman
Monday, 06 June 2011 23:41

The West Side of the Bell

Last week I had the pleasure of trying to get un-change for a fifty at Walmart. That is, I had two twenties and two fives and hoped to exchange them for one crisp fifty dollar bill. Knowing that cashiers seldom have the power to open the magic money drawer on their own, I used a greeting card purchase to facilitate access. My transaction totaled 4 bucks and change, and, in an attempt to lessen the complexity of the interaction I handed the cashier $60 and instructed he to give me a fifty as part of my change. First he yelled at me for giving him too much money. I reexplained my intentions, but he insisted that we must first complete the transaction. I then conceded and took the $15 in fives he handed me, stripped away one, added the couple twenties and attempted to return to the man $50 in exchange for, again, a $50 bill (which, BTW I could see in the drawer). 

Published in Sapient Salesman

Erin Wilson is the author and publisher of the Sapient Salesman

A "sapient salesman"?

 A sapient salesman is tasked with being a psychologist, technologist, empathist, humorist, conversationalist, and a dozen other “ists” in the course of practicing their salescraft. Most people can’t wear that many hats, and these tidbits are designed to minimize your millinery mandates. Read more

The Book

Look for The Sapient Salesman: Spinning Life into Lessons, One Tale at a Time on Amazon.com later this year!

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