10 Jul 2014

Lately I’ve grown very irritated with my eyes. I don’t believe there’s been any actual change in my vision or anything, but I’m convinced my eyeballs are on strike. You see, I’ve had a mild astigmatism and a touch of far-sightedness my whole life, but I also rock some incredibly accommodating lenses, so when I apply myself, I can read 20-20 no worries. That said, I’ve also been a fan of computer glasses for some time. Because I simply don’t think I should have to try to see. Normally, “corrected” 20-15 is no trouble for me, and it’s still not really - but lately I can’t seem to hold focus for the life of me. The opthamologist explained that, while she could correct the astigmatism with a laser, the problem was more in my brain than my eye. Fan-tastic. 

Over a quick game of 1-4-24 I share this story with Ralph and explain I literally have ADD coming out my of eyes; this spurred a verbal battle of visual one-upping. “I read this sign from 100 yards!” “Yea, well I spotted that bottle from the other side of the store.” Up and back we went, spiraling down a idiotic road that I knew would lead to a loss. Finally he pulled the tadpole card. “Bam!” Yea, I can’t top that. Then in the brief afterglow of victory, he goes: “Plus, I used to eat a lot of eggs!”

Best. Non-sequitur. Ever.

Staring down his confusingly straight face, I’m like “WTF does that have to do with anything?” Before he could even answer I lost it. Full on giggle fit. Five or six minutes later, I’m still laughing - well, crying at this point - and poor Ralph is desperately trying to get a word in edgewise to prove to me that eggs actually do relate to vision. “It’s sequitur, I swear… wait, where’s google I’ll show you!” At this point I didn’t care, ‘Plus, I used to eat a lot of eggs.’ had officially become the best thing he’s ever said to me.

As the giggling began to subside I couldn’t help but think about all the times I’ve been watching a software demo when the engineer would suddenly drop an egg-esque line. “Plus, we monitor databases too!” They are always so excited, you almost feel bad asking how the hell that relates to the baselining dashboard currently on the screen. So, often, you don’t. And customers don’t either. No one (except maybe for me and my oddball friends) wants to admit they don’t follow your thread. That’s admitting defeat, and no self-respecting prospect is going to let some lowly sales engineer one up them.

So this week, connect the dots aloud. Sure Ralph subsequently provided the correlation that made his claim credible, but by then the damage was done. When you step your customers thru your thought process, you guarantee all parties arrive safely at the conclusion, and - soon - the close.

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Last modified on Thursday, 08 January 2015 20:06
Erin Wilson

I find great amusement in everyday absurdities and am constantly surprised by how my bar-ventures, my travels, and even my food-qusitions relate to the shenanigans that is software sales. I am grateful for the opportunity to leverage the Sapient Salesman as an outlet to share with you my follies, and I hope you can enjoy the schadenfreude.

Website: ebullienterin.com/

Erin Wilson is the author and publisher of the Sapient Salesman

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